


Infinite

by putarrilla



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 15:04:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4064407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/putarrilla/pseuds/putarrilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We are infinite as the universe we hold inside." Let go. But hold me close. Move on. But don't forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Infinite

He would never get it. How they got so far. How everything got so far. It was as if it had a life of its own. Not bound by any laws, any statistics. Fifteen seasons had American Idol lasted. And they were in more than half of those. She had been there for more than half of those. He too. Well. He had been there as long as she had. When she walked out his longing for auditions and Hollywood and new Idols walked away too. He managed one more year. Then the show was not enough, would never be enough without the small ballerina body rushing around backstage. Would never be enough without the close chairs and the disagreements and the pecks.  
So he would never get it. Never understand how it lasted without him and her and, after a while, without Randy. True, they had had Ryan. But it wasn't quite it.  
But even if he thought about it and tried to get it he just didn't care enough to think every small possibility through. Not when he was dressing that old black suit, the one she loved and always fixed a little bit, always ran her hands over to smooth any wrinkles before the cameras started, the one he worn a dozen times a season and was wearing again for the final time, for the final show.  
"Babe, can you zip me?" It was an all too familiar voice, not her voice of course, had been a long time since her voice said those words, but it was a lovely voice all the same. He smiled, closed her dress, kissed her shoulder and smiled wider when she rushed to the bathroom realizing her earrings were missing.  
She was excited too. And he was grateful for that. He was grateful that he didn't get to regret her or what they'd done. Because he never thought he would get to know that, to get to have a family he started. Almost had that with Terrie, but it wasn't right, hadn't been right and they both knew that. But with Lauren things were... alright. She got his temper and she had one of her own and they didn't bother one another when they were in full blaster. And they were good with Eric, and things in the bedroom were... yeah.  
So he guessed he could thank his lucky stars for that.  
"Simon, I might be old, but nothing besides my slow walking will get me late." His mother leaned a hand on the wall, a small smile on her face, teasing him because only God knew how much he hated jokes about her getting older. About her coming closer to the end. Because either way that was the inevitable.  
But not undeniable.  
So he gave her a warning look.  
Five minutes later they were in the car, anyhow.  
The cars at the entrance weren't familiar. Not a single one but hers. The same old white. Parked in a perfectly angled spot. In a corner where it wouldn't get in the way of any other vehicle. He smiled to himself and parked on the opposite corner. It wasn't as if Lauren wouldn't notice.  
She wasn't dumb, didn't pretend not to know what it was between himself and his old friend. But she accepted it. Because by the end of the day she still knew he was loyal to her in a different way he was loyal to the other her in his life.  
They got in and it was huge. It was a mansion, he had known it would be big, but hadn't thought about how big it would actually get. They were approached by people he didn't remembered, people he didn't liked, people he had missed even if he had denied it strongly when Seacrest asked him that with a tap on his back and people he liked.  
Winners were there. From his seasons, from newer seasons. And they all smiled at him, all waved or walked on to talk. He was respected. And that was good.  
It was only thirty minutes in that he heard her name for the first time. It was out of his mother's mouth, a calling to a person a little bit further into the nearest dance floor. And he wouldn't notice it, only Lauren would notice it but not comment a thing, only Lauren would notice the glimmer in his eyes when he spotted her. All green organza, flawless, simple but flawless and smiling from ear to ear, her lipstick already a little faded by the juices she was surely consuming.  
She walked to them and he helped his mother up to the chair she had found for herself, managed to keep an arm around Lauren's waist while the no time, no see friends hugged. Smiled while she and Lauren touched cheeks. And then he wrapped his arms tightly, so tightly around her small frame once it was his time.  
He breathed her in, noticed how healthy she seemed, how in track and balanced and on place her being looked like. But he let go when Lauren shifted beside them. Smiled at her teary eyes when he finally gazed into them.  
"How are you?" She touched his cheek softly, that moment that only they knew how much it meant, the moment that set the tune for the whole night. And she had teary eyes but a small smile so he knew she was okay. So he was okay too.  
"I'm good, I'm good. How about you?" He held her wrist and her smile flickered. But didn't disappear. She remembered. How he used to do that. How he used to run his thumb up and down the soft skin there. How he used to lean into her hand, kiss her palm, sometimes bite it just to piss her. She remembered how he used to catch it the times she rushed it towards his face, angry and hurt and wanting to discount everything in that one slap. She remembered the last time she had done it. He remembered too.  
How everything had fallen apart after that. How they were done and over with, how he had laughed when she told him about Australia. The hurt in her eyes, the stiffness of her posture. She had given him a shot after The X Factor, had wanted him to ask her to stay. But he couldn't, had too much in his mind to do that. So he had laughed, told her it wouldn't last, told her she should go, fall on her face again, see everything crashing right before her eyes so she could finally learn how to pick her projects. And she had blinked, tried to slap him, broken free from his grasp, picked up her purse and left, a fuck you, Simon Cowell thrown over her shoulder.  
And they hadn't seen each other until a year later, when she returned to America, So You Think You Can Dance Australia over and done with and she jobless but with a new talent to mentor.  
And she had said he had been right and he had told her he had been a jackass. She smiled. He too. And that was that.  
So at that moment her smile flickered, her hand on his cheek and his on her wrist, his thumb pressing softly against her pulse point.  
"I'm great." She pulled away, the intimacy over when someone called her behind them.  
She excused herself, told him she would find them later, picked a handful of her dress' skirt and walked away, the excitement he had missed played right before his eyes. He turned to his companions, his mother smiling, Lauren too, but a different kind, a kind that told him she would be a little more silent than usual that night. Because she wouldn't interfere, but wasn't all that comfortable either.  
They walked around, he talked to Jennifer a little bit, told her she was a great judge, smiled at her jokes, left Lauren and his mum and her talking while he made his rounds chatting with old staff members.  
And twenty minutes later he was the one to find her, talking on the phone on a private and quiet balcony.  
"I love you too." She bit goodbye, a soft smile on her face followed by a sip of her champagne.  
"Things are getting serious, uhm?" He took a sip from his own glass while she turned to see him, an eyebrow arched and she laughed quietly, approached his open arms and engulfed herself in him.  
"Yeah."  
"He's good to you, isn't him?"  
"Yeah." She said again and he chuckled, kissed her head and breathed her shampoo and her hair products and her perfume. It was all too her. And it was probably his favorite smell. Besides Eric's soft baby skin.  
They didn't talk for a while, one of her arms letting go, the one holding her drink, and she took another sip, looked out at the night sky and sighed.  
"Fifteen seasons. Crazy, right?" He mumbled.  
"I thought it would last forever. I don't know why." She ran her thumb through the lipstick mark on the tall glass, whipping away the perfect impression.  
"We helped create it. It's us." He shrugged, looked down at her eyes and she shook her head no.  
"You're wrong. _It_ created _us_."  
He bit his lip, his easy smile morphing into a bittersweet one. He leaned in and kissed her cheek, pressing his lips there for a couple of seconds.  
"Don't let her go, Simon. Don't mess it up." She changed subjects. She unwrapped her arm from his waist, leaned a hand against his chest, over his heart and he knew she meant to say that for a while, meant to say it since she met Lauren for the first time.  
"I won't." He wouldn't, he couldn't, because it worked with Lauren, it was good with her. So he couldn't mess it up.  
"Alright." She sighed, rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes when he kissed it again.  
She breathed the breeze in, but shivered even so and he picked her phone up from the rail and guided her back inside.  
That night they said goodbye to the show, that night she cried and hugged him and Randy and Ryan, her little messed up family. She hugged them and he hugged back, smiling even with the squeeze in his heart to see it ending.  
That night he bit her farewell with a kiss on her forehead, a be happy falling from his lips.  
That night he went home with his mom and Lauren and that night he held his sleeping son close, caressed his soft hair. That night he wrapped his arms around the sleepy woman beside him.  
And that night he thought about the woman he would never forget, he figured out why she thought it would last forever. Because it _was_ them. Because it had created them. And they were infinite.

**Author's Note:**

> Title and quote of the summary from the spng Sun by Sleeping At Last


End file.
